Bert Hellinger writes in his book “The Art of Helping” the following text:
“Many people that search for help, expect the therapist to give them something they have missed in their childhood. They repeat the situation they went through as a child. They look back and ask for something that only their parents could have given them. However, in a therapeutic relationship a therapist often acts like a better father or a better mother.

This is when the therapist, by acting like a better mother or a better father, becomes the enemy of the client, because the client, deep down in his heart, will always stay loyal to his parents. What a client really expects is that he will have found his parents again after the therapy. Only after the connection with his parents has been recovered and deepened, will the client feel fulfilled. […]

Therapy means nothing else than to bring a child back to his parents. Which therapeutic movement can help the client to find his way back to his parents, especially his mother? Only when the helper or therapist respects the parents of the client, loves them and gives them a place in his heart, can this goal be achieved. […]

This is part of the art of helping – that we understand this and that we change our behaviour in order for the children and parents to be united and for the therapist not to be superior anymore. In essence, the therapist has the lowest ranking in this relationship. The parents come first, then the client and third comes the therapist. […] However, he can only do this of course if he has given his own parents a place in his heart.

Also in trainings, you as a trainer might end up in the position of the father or mother of a learner, or maybe of the whole group. In organizations we might take the place of the manager or owner of the company. This process is subconscious and the symptoms are not always clear. But it influences the way you act towards the learners and how the react to you.

When you are aware of this, please take the time to envision the father or mother of the learner behind him. Say, in your mind, “I see you. You are the mother/father of this person. I am not. I am the trainer”. Or you say, in your mind, “I see you. You are the manager/owner of this company/team. I am not. I am the trainer”.

This will help to clear up the what we call entanglement and makes it easier for the learners to learn and for you to teach.